My brain, having a meltdown like a toddler: I just can’t do it! I don’t want to !! I can’t!!
Me, parenting my tired toddler brain: Take a deep breath, it’s going to be ok. We don’t have to do everything today that’s overwhelming you. Let’s pick the most important thing to work on, ok? What’s the smallest step we can do to work towards that?
My toddler brain, wiping away tears: Um, I think we should…open up the important spreadsheet and look at the first row.
Me, parenting my tired toddler brain: Great! Let’s do that, and then we can have a popsicle, ok?
My toddler brain: *nods through drying tears, upset, but cooperative*
THIS IS HOW YOU MINDFULLY ACCEPT YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, THOUGH.
I’m a clinical psychologist, and I use this example with literally everyone I work with where the goal is to give thoughts and feelings space in a non-judgmental way. We literally never grow out of this need for compassion, but when we become adults we must become skilled in giving that same compassion to ourselves.
My therapist only recently understood that when I said, “I don’t know how to make this phone call or make this appointment.” I very literally meant I didn’t know what to do. I can dial the phone, but what do I say EXACTLY? What questions are going to be asked? What do I need to have on hand? What if they ask me something I don’t know the answer to?
I’m one of those people that needs very specific and detailed instructions if I’m doing something for the first time.
Be patient with people. We all have our struggles. Sometimes it can make all the difference in the world knowing someone can spare a few minutes to care about you and walk you through something that’s hard for you.
HOW TO MAKE AN IMPORTANT ADULT CALL
FOR THE FIRST TIME
From an adult who has been doing this for about a decade now:
Remember that about 10% of any office’s weekly call volume is from people just like you who have never done this in their life.
The mass majority of people who run dentist offices, insurance claim call centers, whatever - remember what it’s like to be completely new, and are generally happy to explain the steps and re-phrase themselves if you let them know what you’re having trouble with, and are kind and patient with them.
You’re not inconveniencing them. You’re not burdening them. Call center folks are 1000x happier to speak with someone who is earnestly trying and needs some basic help on super simple things, instead of a pissy long-time customer who demands free shit.
You are a bright spot in their day. A chance to actually help.
